LilySlim Weight loss tickers

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Thursday, December 5, 2013


I know I haven't been on much.  My plan to get into more of a routine has not panned out the way I planned.

The job I started has very much not been what I expected.  I was told by my temp agency that it was an office job- I turned up in heels my first day- which it very much is NOT.  I basically work in a warehouse (a pretty nice one, but still, a warehouse).  Once I was over the initial shock, however, I realized I love it.  The people are pretty great, and the work itself is pretty painless mentally (I do some of the setup/paperworky stuff, and get to boss the other temps around a little, lol).  It probably isn't a realistic long-term option (I couldn't really do this work if I have a family... which the Fiance and I are planning on eventually.  Also, yes fiance!!)... but for now, it's amazing to have a job I actually enjoy.  That hasn't happened to me in a very long time.

Unfortunately, I do still work on my feet 8-10 hours a day... plus a 40 minute commute... So, I rarely have a workout in me when I get home.  But I'm maintaining.  Being mindful of what I'm eating without obsessing over it, and getting a lot of movement in my day (I think standing/walking/lifting for 8 straight hours does constitute a workout in many ways).

And, what's really amazing...

I have had a number of tests run at the gyno recently (First there was a miscarriage... then there was a possibility of cancer, but luckily I seem to be fine.  Physically for sure... mentally I'm just about there, too.).

I asked them that whilst they were running labs on me anyway, that they do check in on how my PCOS is doing (I was hoping they would put me back on my Metformin).  And- AND??  Perfectly normal testosterone levels!!!  Translation:  NO ACTIVE PCOS!!!

I did it!  I freaking did it!  It's 'gone' (or as close as it will ever be)!!  I'm So. Freaking. Proud.  Seriously, it has never even really occurred to me that not having it be an issue would ever be an option- let alone being responsible for it being gone simply through taking better care of myself (Ok, and the Fiance pushing me to actually GO for checkups.  Whatever, lol.).

And even more-  to know that all the infertility struggles I dealt with while with my ex will never have to be a strain on my relationship with Ben... wow.  Just... wow.  Like, when we decide it's time I'll be able to get pregnant without needing any medical intervention?  Wow.

The miscarriage really hit me hard because I figured it could never happen again.  Like it was a freak thing (the pregnancy wasn't planned) that I would only ever get one shot at.  I'm still upset... but that fact that it isn't impossible, and I didn't miss my window, and all I have to do is take care of myself and things can be 'normal.'

Yeah.  Wow...

Sunday, October 20, 2013

I'm Back Bitches

Soo... I hopped on the scale for the first time in quite a while...


Ugh.  I've gained back just under 10 pounds.

I'm not surprised, I'm not happy... but I'm not that upset, either.

I wasn't doing much in the vein of exercise, was eating whatever I wanted allll the time, I was eating my feelings because my job was making me miserable and I have some medical testing and things going on...

Frankly, I'm kind of happy it wasn't more.

I finally got a new job.

I'm desperately searching for a workout buddy (because I know I'm better at taking care of others than I am myself- therefore I'm less likely to let someone down by not showing up then if it was all on me).  I want to try Crossfit but I'm not quite ready yet (physically or financially), but will probably go to some yoga classes first...

So this next week or so, I'm going to ease back into it.  Learn my new schedule, work with that... and go from there...

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Missed Check-ins

Soo... I haven't posted in a couple of weeks.


I kept oversleeping on Sundays (my usual weigh-in day) and forgetting to hit the scale before I headed out to work.

I have been keeping an eye on things, weighing occasionally but not oficially, etc.

And I'm maintaining.

236.4 this morning (maintained from last week).

I'm not thrilled, but I'm not surprised.

I have been hitting the gym, but not as much.  Watching my intake sometimes, indulging sometimes.  Not sleeping nearly enough, but trying out this whole 'having a life' thing.

Basically doing exactly what I hope to when I hit goal.  Maintaining a balance...

Problem being I'm a long ways away from goal, lol.  But then again, in the past if I wasn't paying utterly exacting attention I would immediately pack pounds back on... so sanity and maintenance is something new.  And I'm pretty proud of that, too.

I have been going to local NA meetings lately, to support someone close to me, and find they really help me.  Like much more than I would've anticipated.  I had stopped into an OA meeting a time or two before, and was very turned off by them (partly because OA is pretty specific to OA and not broader ED as addiction, and partly because I didn't exactly gel with middle-aged biblethumping women... glad that works for them, but lightyears away from my reality); NA meetings, however, appeal to me much more.  They're a far less judgemental group and the definition of addiction is much broader, as is their 'higher power' outlook (vs a Christian God).

Every little bit, I suppose.

Also, I'm testing out a bit of aversion therapy on myself tonight.  We're having some people over to swim... and I'm wearing a bikini... and, theoretically at least, the world probably won't end.  Wish me luck.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013




I'll take a maintenance week.  No complaints.  Especially considering I may or may not have been to Geno's in Philly at about 1am last night (a group of us went to a concert.  It was awesome.).

I'm inching along... but I think I'm doing it in a healthy way?  As much as I want to lose the weight, I don't want to trigger myself.  I want to enjoy life and do things with my friends.  I want to be healthy, but cheat sometimes, but not let things spin out of control...

And I think I'm doing that?  I'm not sure, but I'm trying.

Not the best photo, but you get the gist.
My next challenge: wear this in front of people other than the boyfriend.

But hell, not too shabby for 240, lol.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Is it called a decade?


Holy fuckballs!!  I haven't seen the 230's since college.  I'm down into the next... decade? ...set of 10?

Whatever, awesome.  I can't express the amount of thrilled.

I weighed in before work, and promptly proceeded to have a cupcake for breakfast at morning meeting.

It's actually a good thing, in a way, though.  I said no to said cupcakes all week.  Seriously, they brought them in every. damn. day.  But today, in the midst of my PMS, I saw it.  It was chocolate, with dark chocolate chunks, and mocha icing... it had to be mine.  We were meant to be together.  And it was fine.  I didn't give up on the rest of the day, or totally obliterate my calorie plans.  I just had a reasonable amount of something I wanted and didn't kick myself over it.  Mini-win.

As for my headspace, I'm doing fairly well.  I'm stll dealing with a lot of triggers and negative self-'talk'.  I am, however, mostly catching them before they come out of my mouth ar affect my actions.  I'm getting there... sloowwwlllyyyy.

Sunday, June 9, 2013


Well, this week...


That's +.4

But I'm not too worried.

I felt like last week's weigh-in might have been a fluke (down nearly 5 lbs and I hadn't been entirely on plan?)... but this week I was totally in the zone, and I gained a little.

All-in-all I think the last two weeks basically evened each other out.

Hopefully I'll kill it this week and break out of the 240's for the first time since... since... wow, I don't even know when...

Wish me luck.

Monday, June 3, 2013



That's a 4.4 lb loss this week!!!!!

I have no idea how or why... but hell yeah!

I'm past the 50 lb mark again.


Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Missed Weigh-in

So, I forgot to weigh in on Sunday... and Monday was busy... and...

So, unofficially it's 244.8... but it was just now.  Wrong day wrong time, whatever... ballpark is better then nothing.

I'm having a lot of mental drama lately.  Living with my parents is, unfortunately, making me feel like I'm a teenager again... back in the headspace from then.

Mucho no bueno.

I had a great talk with the boy about it today, I feel a little better.  I'm really looking for a therapist in the area (but my insurance sucks and there are few providers with ED experience in the first place...).

Hopefully soon.

Also, someone has been harassing me to get a bikini.  I love that he loves me the way I am... and I'm trying to get there, too.

So, here's my first challenge:

How to get a bikini body (for me):

1- buy bikini
2- hyperventilate slightly*
3- put bikini on

How to share that bikini body (in my case):

1- repeat bikini body steps
2- panic a little*
3- look in a mirror
4- rearrange a few things
5- have boyfriend say encouraging things*
6- hand over the camera
7- take a picture
8- select a picture
9- upload picture
10- hit post (whilst hyperventilating*)

**these steps optional

So there's that...

Monday, May 20, 2013

Another Shaky Week

I forgot to weigh in Sunday morning (if that's any indicator of whether or not my head was in the game this week).  I woke up a little late to get to work (which is impressive considering I don''t leave my house until 9 on the weekends), and just ran out the door, never even registering what day it was.


I weighed in this morning (I figure the next day at the right time is marginally better than the right day at a random hour.  Meh.  Who really knows.).


That's .8 this week.

Register my utter shock at any loss at all.

I didn't go on a crazy binge or anything, but there were days I didn't track, and days I decided I just wanted the damn chips.

And a fairly consistent LACK of effort in the exercise department.

Urgh.  I'm trying here.

Not as obviously as one might wish (aka, in the diet and exercise department), but on my mental state (aka, get a damn grip, girl).

I'm going to be more consistent this week.  Emotionally and physically.

One foot in front of the other.

Here goes.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Week 3: Some rewards are bigger than the numbers on the scale.

I'm 246.2 this week.

That's .8 down.

Considering how big a struggle last week was (and there was a little spillover to the weekend with the cold and everything), and that my eating was not ideal (I was a little over 2000 a day or two this week.  No bueno.), I'm thrilled to see any loss at all.

It gets frustrating that I can't cut my intake down... I have to eat every few hours at work.  I do hot, physical work all day...  I swing jobs at a hotel- I started as a housekeeper, now I'm in the laundry.  Wet towels are shitting HEAVY and it's gets swelteringly hot in there... and humid... and ugh.  Some days it gets to the point I actually get woozy if I don't eat and drink fairly constantly.  That would be fine if my habits didn't dictate that I eat 'most' of my calories at night... but they do.  I'm always STARVING at night.  I'm figuring it out...

More important than the scale, my workouts have been going really well.

I've been jogging every other day... which I didn't think I would be able to do at all.  I have plantar fascitis in my heel (mostly from standing on concrete at work, slightly from my weight- it was worse before I lost weight, and stayed away until I started my job.). So I'm running 'couch to 5k' style.  90-120 seconds jogging and walking alternated, and It's been working out great.  I do 3 sets of 5 mins walk/jogging alternated with 2 sets of freeweight upper body work every other day, and 20 mins walk/jog the other days- plus abs every day (except my one rest day).  I'm liking it.  I'm sure I'll get bored and switch it up again soon, but hey.  A lot of days Mr. Wonderful does a couple of sets lifing with me (and then goes and eats snacks while I finish... skinny fucker, lol), which is great.

Also more important than the scale, I've been making consistently good choices.

Even when I 'overeat' I'm making decent decisions most of the time.  Once or twice I accidentally ate my feelings... but most times I simply eat because I'm hungry.  ANd most times it's 'real food.'  And even when I've given into junk, I've measured out servings of whichever thing got me.  ANd I consistently get myself to exercise, even if it's nothing major.

Super more important than the scale, I am loved and supported.

It's an amazing feeling.  One I definitely never had with my ex.  Mr. Wonderful isn't entirely on the bandwagon with me losing weight (he loves my body the way it is), but he understands that it's important to me, and tells me he loves me no matter what.  He doesn't particularly 'need' to work out, but he's in that room with me a lot of times.  He stays out of my 'business' when it comes to my eating (because he understands it an 'addiction' issue and how triggers work), but will occasionally mention he's proud or that I'm doing a good job avoiding junk.  And my favorite moment was the other morning.  I was standing in our little kitchen area and he came over to give me a hug and say goodmorning.  After he held me for a second he said, "I don't want you to be alarmed, but there seems to be less of you...".  It's so incredibly sweet that he even notices.  I'm a lucky girl.

And he's right, too.  There is 'less' of me.  The weight isn't exactly melting away at a blinding pace, but I feel better.  I can feel muscle coming back and clothes are a little looser already.  I'm excited to be 'in shape' again.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Week Two: Hectic Boogaloo

I had a miserable week.

Work sucked.  Emotional stuff sucked.  And now I have a freaking cold.

But I jogged a bit for the first time in a while.  And I stayed mostly on plan (except one day where I was an emotional wreck- for external reasons- and I didn't really eat.  In retrospect, however, I have decided I was not deliberately restricting, but rather just so upset I couldn't bear to eat.  Still not good, but better than comforting with food/controlling a situation by not eating).

And I lost 2.2.

I had hoped for bigger losses these first few weeks (only because I do expect it will slow down soon enough), but still not too shabby.

I think I'll take it.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

One Week Down (Again)

Down 2.8.

That's 249.2- back under the 50 mark again!  w00t!

I maybe overdid slightly on the exercise on Thursday, but I'm actually a little glad about it.  It gives me a more realistic view of where I'm at fitness wise.  I felt ok during the workout- but the soreness persists three days later... oops (a little soreness is a sign you worked hard... still needing to use the counter to lower yourself to the toilet? maybe a little far).  So I'll regroup and get back to it (in a more reasonable fashion).

Food issue win:  The boyfriend and I got chinese food the other night.  I got something veggie heavy and only ate an actual serving of the rice (as opposed to the HEAP that they give you)-  but he ordered me a combo because that's what I usually get...  And I reaaalllyyyy wanted that egg roll.  SO, instead of punishing myself by denying something I wanted OR busting the day with 400 cals of fried- I had half.  I had a reasonable amount of something I wanted and didn't let it spin me out for the day, didn't overdo.

Pretty proud of myself, actually, considering how much trouble I had been having the past few weeks this first week 'back' had relatively few bumps.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Oh, Haaaiiii...

Remember that time when I didn't blog for over a year?


But I'm back.  Or at least trying to be.

In the last year I moved, got a crappy job, finalized the divorce, got a new kitten, met an amazing guy, moved in with him..., yeah, I've been busy.  Busy enough to forgive myself for not finding the time to type out my little journal, that's for sure.

For the greater part of the year I have been mindful of my intake (though admittedly far from always... and I can't escape the junk in my presence since the BF lives on it), but have had very little time for exercise (though my job is very physical, so no doubt that helped me a lot).

My lowest weigh-in when I was on-track was 244.4.

I am currently 252.

Less then 8lbs gained back?  In a year?  Considering my food issues and the rate at which I usually yo-yo, I'm thrilled.

My ED is flaring up a lot, though.  Certain triggers have been kicking my ass and sending me all off kilter (trying to get a better job, not hearing back... loss of control/not feeling 'good enough' in general seems to be the big one), making me anxious; one day I binge, the next I restrict.

So, I am back to make myself accountable and so that if it looks like I'm getting too crazy someone can call me on it (seriously, feel free ;-) ).  I'm allowing myself a lot of leeway at first (anywhere between 1400-1800 cals daily, and a reasonable amount of exercise like cardio and yoga- not straight to obsessive HIIT or anything), so that I can ease back into being healthy and not get crazy all at once...

I've been tracking food since Sunday, and today I did my first 'real' workout (30 mins yoga and 20 mins cardio).

And just for the record- I have to laugh because, as we've been most of out lives, my bestie (over at Back to MILF Status) and I are on the same page.  I started tracking again on Sunday (the 21st) and trolled my way to my blog Monday... and whaddya know?  She started posting on Friday.  Crazy.