I know I haven't been on much. My plan to get into more of a routine has not panned out the way I planned.
The job I started has very much not been what I expected. I was told by my temp agency that it was an office job- I turned up in heels my first day- which it very much is NOT. I basically work in a warehouse (a pretty nice one, but still, a warehouse). Once I was over the initial shock, however, I realized I love it. The people are pretty great, and the work itself is pretty painless mentally (I do some of the setup/paperworky stuff, and get to boss the other temps around a little, lol). It probably isn't a realistic long-term option (I couldn't really do this work if I have a family... which the Fiance and I are planning on eventually. Also, yes fiance!!)... but for now, it's amazing to have a job I actually enjoy. That hasn't happened to me in a very long time.
Unfortunately, I do still work on my feet 8-10 hours a day... plus a 40 minute commute... So, I rarely have a workout in me when I get home. But I'm maintaining. Being mindful of what I'm eating without obsessing over it, and getting a lot of movement in my day (I think standing/walking/lifting for 8 straight hours does constitute a workout in many ways).
And, what's really amazing...
I have had a number of tests run at the gyno recently (First there was a miscarriage... then there was a possibility of cancer, but luckily I seem to be fine. Physically for sure... mentally I'm just about there, too.).
I asked them that whilst they were running labs on me anyway, that they do check in on how my PCOS is doing (I was hoping they would put me back on my Metformin). And- AND?? Perfectly normal testosterone levels!!! Translation: NO ACTIVE PCOS!!!
I did it! I freaking did it! It's 'gone' (or as close as it will ever be)!! I'm So. Freaking. Proud. Seriously, it has never even really occurred to me that not having it be an issue would ever be an option- let alone being responsible for it being gone simply through taking better care of myself (Ok, and the Fiance pushing me to actually GO for checkups. Whatever, lol.).
And even more- to know that all the infertility struggles I dealt with while with my ex will never have to be a strain on my relationship with Ben... wow. Just... wow. Like, when we decide it's time I'll be able to get pregnant without needing any medical intervention? Wow.
The miscarriage really hit me hard because I figured it could never happen again. Like it was a freak thing (the pregnancy wasn't planned) that I would only ever get one shot at. I'm still upset... but that fact that it isn't impossible, and I didn't miss my window, and all I have to do is take care of myself and things can be 'normal.'